I feel so sad and lonely...

I have no where else to go... rawr... For years of my life I've been through hell that hasn't dragged me down this far... For some odd reason tonight, I can't take it... I need to vent... for a long time I've been here helping others on this forum, and always had really positive health and happiness everyday... I've never felt this screwed over... I've always been happy and loved life, even when I was so badly bullied years ago... (long story...)... guess it's time for someone to help me... I hope.........

I feel really lost and lonely... It just seems by the day that all my friends find more ways to avoid me, even my best friends... I'm really lonely over the fact that even my mature older gaming friends I've had for over 10+ years are avoiding me or getting really pissy over the stupidest little nonsense crap issues with me... to the point that I've gone like 3 days without playing a game... anyone that knows me knows I'm a gentle geek at heart... I made one comment about how slow a guy's internet was, and suddenly he blocks me on fucking MSN Messenger, like I've been his most heated rival the entirety of his life... one of my other gamer friends says "yeah he was a bit upset about it..."... so of course I apologize to him and the gamer friends... nothing happens... except everyone starts talking about me behind my back, and the guy still has me blocked and has not replied at all...

RAWR... I feel sooo lonely... My 18th birthday is this Sunday... I was really excited months ago... now as it gets closer I feel sick... people not talking to me... I just feel so sick and lonely... theres so much more to it than I can describe... people just hate me... avoid me... can't stand me... I don't understand why... I'm one of the nicest guys, and I'm not trying to sound conceited... I owe it all to my wonderful parents for raising me this way... and I love them so much and I love life... it just sucks now... and it's just horrible... I want to go into a corner and cry... and I'm at the point where my fingers just keep typing and typing in perfect harmony while my brain rapidly fires off all my thoughts at once, because I just NEED to vent... this sucks, horribly... I really don't know what to do...

I need Chelsea... rawr... I can't call or talk to her 'til tomorrow... I needed to post this here... I do apologize I guess before I sound like an ass to any of you, since I seem to be pissing everyone else off lately over pointless crap...

I'm so unhappyyyyy.... rawrr... I need a good cry... who doesn't every now and then... I need to sink my face into my pillow and cry...

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 12, 2008 at 7:55pm: Rawr... Okay... another update... this time after Jocinda (Twirls) had messaged me then blocked me on MSN... I sent her an e-mail... a very long one, one I haven't gotten a response on yet, and I don't expect one nor do I want one... If anyone wants to see it I could forward it... I'm not sure it'll fit here... probably will but I don't know...

Permalink Reply by Kiisha on November 13, 2008 at 10:37am: Look, they were not yout friends to begin with because if they were they'd try everything in their power to make sure that something as little as the problems that you are having do not explode into something big and unnecessary like it's unfortunately doing right now...you can take this however you choose but get new friends dude, because these assholes aren't worth your typing energy or time.

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 13, 2008 at 12:08pm: Yup, well yesterday I typed a huge e-mail which I sent to them and I told them how I felt and everything... and made it clear that I'm leaving them behind because of all the problems and the fact that I obviously wasn't respected when I considered them like family...

Permalink Reply by txhtx on November 13, 2008 at 8:02pm: justin you need to grow the fuck up you sound worse than some women i know you brought everything that had happen on yourself.fucking putting everything and everyone down then when your shut out you start crying so everyone starts to feel sorry for you well grow the fuck up or seek professional help because i think you need it .if you really want to know who i am im GLOBAL_OVERRIDE put my friends down again you will deal with me so PISS OFF

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 13, 2008 at 8:32pm: OH brother... and you wonder why I have an issue with you all... I doubt it's global? What's with the "tx"... you don't live in Texas (comp?).

Second off, I didn't put anyone damn well down, asshole. I put you down and that's about it, because if it really is you, you talk alot of shit you don't know about and it's ignorant and I deeply take offense to alot of the shit you speak that you claim you know (you're what, 48 years old? I shouldn't have to tell a grown man to grow the hell up and stop acting like you're tough shit)... it's an insult to my and everyone elses intelligence so don't even start... you were the start of shit friggin' 3 years ago... and I have every right to feel the way I do when I've been treated like this...

This is just one of the million reasons why I can't friggin' stand these people. It's always ME that did something wrong... I'm tired of it... I don't do shit wrong, and if I do I apologize...

Rawr, just one more damn reason to feel stressed out today... as if I needed it more. I swear... these people are just gonna be the reason something happens... and I like hell don't want that to happen.

P.S. - I haven't spoken to them, and I don't wish to. I told them how I felt... whatcha gonna do for telling how I feel... "hack me?"... you don't know how, I'm tired of that lame response... I came here for relief to my boiling-over mind, not to hear crap from you...

Permalink Reply by Shyla on November 13, 2008 at 8:12pm: I competely understand how you feel..When I start to feel like that I just cry and get it all out...

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 13, 2008 at 8:37pm: Rawr. The idiot above you just made my day that much worse :|... but thanks...

Permalink Reply by Twirls on November 13, 2008 at 8:43pm: Hello...im here to give you our side of the story and Justin sent me the link so i guess he wanted me to read this...so here i am...here is a MSN message chat i had with Justin...its in 5 parts...

http://www.compy.us/1/first%20part.JPG

http://www.compy.us/1/second%20part.JPG

http://www.compy.us/1/third%20part.JPG

http://www.compy.us/1/fourth%20part.JPG

http://www.compy.us/1/last%20part.JPG

Here is a email Comp had sent to Justin...Comp hasn't received and reply back yet

http://www.compy.us/1/Comp.htm

and here is a email Justin sent me after i signed off messenger

http://www.compy.us/1/justin.htm

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 13, 2008 at 9:07pm: ... I would appreciate it if you butt out of my life, I'm the one that made a decision of leaving. the conversation and the email I sent is what I sent, but I'm afraid to say you all misjudged me on what comp wrote. I could sit here explaining it, but I shouldn't have to. How about all the crap you've all told me? I've never heard an apology out of any of you. I don't deserve to be treated like it regardless. How come everytime I bring up how someone else in the "family" gets treated compared to me, you ignore and try to point more blame at me? Hmmm? I'm so close to doing something I'm gonna regret it's not even funny... but I also know I'm strong enough to not break that point.

So now that I need to defend myself, YET AGAIN, with you people... here goes.

In comps email, where it reads I shot down his phone... I did not. I said for the deaf community it doesn't work as well as a sidekick, and that's why I chose a sidekick over a blackberry in the deaf community... I said deaf people have a harder time using blackberry's to communicate.

Where it states "put down my keyboard"... not true? You sent me hundreds of pics of it, and I said how much I wanted a lit gamer keyboard but that most of that are overpriced and do not work, I never said a damn thing about yours other than I liked the keys and screens.

Where it states "my guitar sucks"... well so what? I said squier sucks, and I said I'm surprised you spent 99 dollars on a squier instead of a better tone guitar, to really see if you wanted to get back into it, UNLESS you spent money on new strings, which you did! I never said don't get it, I simply was trying to figure out what your motives were if you were hoping to get back into it when you've played previously.

Where it states "graphics card sucks"... I never ever said that? How do you think I feel when vic's always like "nah the nvidia's have always been better than ati".... how do you think I feel that you are always blabbing about spending hundreds of dollars that you know I'd kill to have that my family could never afford, on new computer shit, and then wave it in my face all the time... you ask my opinion, and then you go and buy the complete opposite. I trust ati, so what. I said I dislike nvidia from the luck I've had with it my whole life (between 2 previous cards)... SO WHAT? I never said yours sucked, I said "you suck, you're lucky" for having 2! God damn, must you try to find blame in every fucking word I say? This is why I'm so stressed in my life. You all try to find blame in it, and you don't think twice about what I said considering "well hell maybe he didn't mean it the way I think he did".

Regarding the "indiana jones movies sucks"... so what, I watched them. I said I dislike them... I said I'd like to watch another movie, and at a convienient time... it seems you guys never let me in on when you're watching the movies and you never EVER let me choose a movie we could watch... anytime I chose a movie or a series of shows it always was "nahh... that's too bed timey... that's too old... (notably heard this from jocinda more than either comp or joel). how about the other hundred movies we watched that I loved? you seem to forget how many more we watched compared to the one I said sucked. so what, I had an opinion on it... and apparently so did my friends (my real friends, don't even bring them into this)...... in the long run, before you go to a movie theatre, chances are you hear reviews about movies. I'm sure I'm not the first person that advertised how I felt about a set of movies.

When vic (joel) came home with a GPS I never said I hated them and they sucked, I said you GOTTA READ THE consumer reports REVIEWS on which ones, because often times GPS's can mix up where you are, what streets to take, and in the end be more of a pain... by the end of the night me and him were joking about all the cool icons and games on it, and I highly doubt I'd be joking about it like we were if I didn't like it... oh and PS I mentioned how my mother really disliked GPS systems because to her at her age she can't really understand them... Big friggin' whoop.

When jocinda bought the motorola phone I said, "ohh, I read it in my gamers magazine that it had poor voice quality and poor communications, so I didn't really look into getting it myself even though most of my buddies had it".... joel was online at the time, and I said, "right, didn't you hear they had a couple bad reviews on the phone depending on what model you get?"... and he agreed saying "yeah"... so I don't see any of you saying a damn thing about him?

About the mic... we all make fun of you for not using a mic, but have I not numerous other times said "compy doesn't use a mic" or "he won't use one, he doesn't want to and it's whatever, we got used to him using chat"???!

It amazes how much this "family" that supposedly really cared about me read into every damn word I ever spoke SOOO much that you turned everything against me. I never EVER said these things like that.

Now I'm asking you once and for all... leave me alone. I told you guys I'm done hanging out with you. I don't wish to be bothered, I shouldn't have to stand up for myself like this... if we were the "family" you called us.

I'm done responding, I'm done standing up for myself here... I should not have to, I have friends that respect me and what I say. I don't hurt people... the people who know inside my head and heart know that. Stop judging me, regardless of what happened in my past with you guys or my age. I'm not going to stand here being stoned in front of a community that I love with all my heart for everything they do for me, and everything I love to do for them.

Permalink Reply by DODGER on November 13, 2008 at 9:07pm: HAHA Justin let me get this straight arent you the same person that faked gettin in a car accident just so you could make all your friends feel sorry for you ????
Sounds to me that your just looking for some attention again... i told u years ago to grow up and i guess im going to have to tell you again ....GROW THE FUK UP !!!!!
its kinda funny because i cant believe all of that whinny , drama queen , attention hore shyt is coming from you .. always thought that you bettered yourself from that last episode you had.....

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 13, 2008 at 9:18pm: I'm not even dignifying that with a response. I'm locking my own topic. I can't stand this shit. I'm on the edge.

Get out of my life. I'm the one that said I'm leaving, I didn't ask you all to fucking stalk the shit out of me and contradict every word I say...