I feel so sad and lonely...

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Permalink Reply by La-Tarsha on November 12, 2008 at 1:29am

I completely understand how you feel...and sometimes what you need is a good cry.......I'm glad you admitted that...some dudes won't admit it....But....I'm sorry you feel like this......I wish you didn't cuz you seem like a stand up dude......but maybe,if you feel like it...writing more will help get everything out right in front of you.........
I do that....I write....I vent and cry....I go to sleep and the next day I try to start on a new page and work on whatever I think is wrong......
I don't know if that helped but..
-Hugz-

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 12, 2008 at 1:35am

Thanks... I don't really have much to write... and it probably doesn't help that my writing hand is bashed up and hurts like hell or I'd spend more time writing (it's comfier typing, still hurts though)...

For a long time and always my parents always told me how strong I was... and I don't want to sound conceited, but I am... I'm an emotional guy and I'll be the first to admit it, and I'm proud I am... but I always have been strong no matter how bad things have looked for me (and believe me, they've looked even technically worse than they do now)... but for some reason tonight... I just want to cry, my head is throbbing painfully, and I just can't keep straight... it's really getting to me, and it's just a mix of all that crap going on... perhaps it's also the fact that all this crap happened today... not like something over time, but all these people went from being on my side to all against me over bullshit and won't even say "blah" to me..... people I've met in real life, known for 10 years of my life (that's more than half my life when you look at it)... and now they just turn... they always do this to me too... all because I'm the "kid" in their "family"... they were like my brothers and sisters, even though most of them were about age 28, and some older like 38-40... but they were like family... and now this... it just hurts anyway... it's that on top of a whole bunch of shit I guess... : (

Permalink Reply by La-Tarsha on November 12, 2008 at 1:48am

I understand....I don't understand why people just up and change all of a sudden....with no reason.And even if they say...well I was having a bad day...bullshit...you don't take it out on other people.The messed up thing it that since ur younger they may think the things you say and feel are trivial to their "oh so important jobs or so superior life"...since they work and manage bills and home life.They think just cuz ur young life is a breeze...lufe is easy...it's not...If anything it's harder....I deal with this everyday....My sister works....she's 21....takes care of her family and she always throws the fact in my face "Well I have bills to pay and a family to feed,you can just sit around all day"...So she doesn't understand my feelings or she sees them as being "stupid"
People just don't care....you find the occasinal few that actually give a damn and the ones who are assholes.......Maybe you should talking to ur friends?...See what's going on?

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 12, 2008 at 1:59am

Tried... they won't even reply... And they are inquisitive like that... they're all like "well you voted for Obama, etc etc (they're still against him because of the race issue, which I've fought day in and day out against them in chat because I believe they need to grow up and out of the '50s)"... and they're just conceited... except for one guy that has a bit of a temper but man he was probably my best of friends... he was so into music like me too, so we connected on another level... but like this guy, "Comp", the one that had the "slow internet" always has had a thing towards leaning towards hating me... it's bullshit because in the end... they all get upset if I know more than them about PC's... like for instance Compy's smart with computers, like me... but I actually work in the computer business and own a business in it, and I learn on a daily basis new things... so if I say his internet's slow... so what who cares? It is or it isn't... it just so happens his internet is slow... but then why get so upset and take it out on me just because I said so and made a note that my internet was faster than his (regarding as to why his was so slow to receive from mine... long story... in other words I wasn't even bragging, I was trying to make a point)... It's fucking internet, who cares? It's not like it makes the world...

Argh... It builds up badly... I feel so sick and upset... so lonely..... and all over bullshit like this because people I've regarded as my friends and like I said, even like my "family" so to speak... just choose to out rank me or gang up or believe only one thing... ARGHHH... : [[... I'm so upsettt.... rawrr... I still need to cry... I just can't right this second...

Permalink Reply by La-Tarsha on November 12, 2008 at 2:09am

I'm sorry...it sucks that they have to be that petty.....It's ridiculous...you would think they were like 14 years old acting like jerks.........Have you sat a considered life without those people?
It sucks and hurts like all hell...but that's what I do....I see that things aren't going so good and I put myself in the situation of living without them....
And the whole Obama situation...it upsets me...that people are still stuck on color....

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 12, 2008 at 2:15am

It really upsets me too...

But yeah, I've even considered "life without them"... for a couple years I didn't have them involved in my daily life like I have for the past 2 years... and that was from others fights we'd all gotten into, again because "I was the child"... I lived those years without them fine, and despite having alot of gamer friends, I felt at home gaming with them... rawr... gaming is my life, it's why I make a paycheck and am so involved in helping make and keep games running... it's just my nerdish sense kicking in... it's a shame they have to be like that to me... : [[

What'll suck is if I stop gaming with them, I'll have almost nothing to do worth really doing anymore... other than work and gaming alone on the computer... but no longer will it be the fun little sessions I'm used to having... I'll be really screwed then... I have no life as it is... and apparently I'm a burden more than a help to most people : [[.

Permalink Reply by La-Tarsha on November 12, 2008 at 2:43am

Ur not a burden.....they are just being jerk-offs..and in my opinion...they don't deserve to game with someone as great as you.....and you never know....maybe they will eventually come around...

-hugz-

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 12, 2008 at 3:05am

Rawr, I appreciate that alot, means alot... I don't feel so down thinking I'm just a lousy burden that people just put up with 'til I piss them off... means alot... I really appreciate you responding to me tonight, from the get-go... made me feel a bit better as I vented to you and helped me feel better enough to stop shaking (yes, at one point I was so shaking and nervous and upset)... and I feel like I might be able to sleep after I cry a good cry... which will be in the next couple minutes probably.

It means alot to know people do care... I still have no clue what I want to do about this situation... I'll think it over and the different outcomes... I will keep posted, because I'm sure tomorrow around this time I'll feel like shit again...

Permalink Reply by La-Tarsha on November 12, 2008 at 3:11am

Don't worry...I'll be right back here tomorrow If needed :)...
Have that cry...and get some sleep
Hit me up later on today..

Permalink Reply by Kristina on November 12, 2008 at 2:46am

You have always been leaving people comments and helping others with their problems. You set aside your own problems and put others first. You don't need people like those guys in your life. There are a ton of people out there that will game with you, just have to go out and find the ones worth keeping. I also think there's something in the air tonight making people go "crazy". I had the same lonely issues and upsetting issues tonight for many reasons, but after talking to a few people they have all felt the same. Maybe it's the stars or the tides or whatever people believe in that controls us somehow. I dunno, it's late and I had to take nyquil so I might not be making any sense. But really, I don't think I've ever really talked to you before but I've seen your replies on here and you are a great person. You need to surround yourself with people that won't take you for granted and treat you like crap for stupid reasons. If you can't seem to get away from them just act like it doesn't bother you that they aren't talking to you and pretty soon you will realize that there are better people out there and you don't need them. You will probably meet some new amazing friends during this time that will replace them. Everything happens for a reason whether it's just to make you stronger in some way...which I've told many people before, but it's true. Who knows why they are acting like this but maybe it's just your time to move on to bigger and better things and friends. I hope you are able to cheer up and not let it get to you (easier said than done) but a good cry should help.

Permalink Reply by Justin on November 12, 2008 at 3:01am

Rawr... thanks... I appreciate it... I feel a little bit better knowing I'm not the only one feeling uneasy and crappy tonight... While I'm not quite sure what I want to do right now about the entire situation I think that cry is definitely needed at this moment in time... but I appreciate knowing alot that my personality of trying to care for alot of people that are like family to me isn't perceived as horrible from everyone like I've been noticing... Caring and being nice is ... just my thing... so is being emotional... just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I don't have a heart, etc... and so I'm way different than most people I meet... (I think that adds to the reasons why people don't usually like me, but they would if they just got to know me)...

I appreciate the advice... I don't know yet what I want to do about the whole situation... I think I'm going to cry and try sleeping on it tonight, and come tomorrow night when the idiots log on I'll know what I'll want to do -- be it ignoring them, moving on from them, speaking right to them, etc... although I've tried speaking and it just turned into speaking behind my back, in a matter of hours earlier tonight...

Permalink Reply by Candice on November 12, 2008 at 6:56am

aw Justin cheer up dude! i'm sorry you're going through this, but things will get better. obviously these people weren't true friends to begin with if they are willing to turn on you that quickly, especially the one who got mad at you just cuz you said his internet was slow?! please. he needs to get over himself. i agree with what kristina said though, everything happens for a reason, now you know these people weren't as good of friends as you may have thought they were. you deserve better. there's plenty of people out there who would appreciate that too, you will see. not to trivialize this or anything, but you are young, when i was 17 i had to deal with the same drama bullshit too, but trust me in a couple years from now, these "friends" won't matter to you. you'll be fine :) plus you got all of us on here. trapt friends>gamer friends lol.

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